| Any couples counselor will tell you that not all | | | | drowning in hopelessness for years and one or |
| marriages or relationships are salvageable-despite | | | | both of you are ready to move on and build a |
| my best efforts (and my pro-marriage and | | | | new life. |
| pro-commitment attitudes), some of the couples | | | | Be wary of marriage and relationship advice |
| I've counseled will still make the painful decision to | | | | guarantees |
| end their marriage or relationship. | | | | Commitment and effort are essential to a |
| A sad fact is that there will always be a | | | | successful relationship-but even these necessary |
| percentage of marriages that fail-despite the | | | | ingredients don't offer a guarantee (according to |
| couple's best efforts to make it work. I think we | | | | dictionary.com: a guarantee assures a particular |
| all know this at some level, but we still believe | | | | outcome). |
| that somehow our love is so unique and | | | | When someone offers a guarantee for their |
| transcendent that our relationship will be the one | | | | product/service, it usually: |
| that prevails, no matter what. | | | | 1. Reflects the person's own confidence in the |
| Beware of unrealistic marriage and relationship | | | | quality of his/her product/service; |
| promises | | | | 2. Is used as a sales device to increase your |
| I've seen a troubling online trend when it comes | | | | motivation to purchase the product/service. |
| to marriage advice and relationship help products: | | | | Neither one of these are inherently bad. Sales |
| Messages that offer unrealistic promises and | | | | hype doesn't mean someone's product or service |
| assurances that any marriage or relationship can | | | | isn't useful-it might really help you. But you should |
| be saved, no matter how bad things are between | | | | realize that the use and effectiveness of a |
| you (and, not surprisingly, these messages are | | | | marriage/relationship service or product will always |
| usually associated with the sale of some service | | | | involve a leap of faith on your part. |
| or product). | | | | Here is my professional opinion about online |
| I recently coached a woman who went through a | | | | marriage advice and relationship help products. |
| very painful divorce and stated that she felt like a | | | | They: |
| "double failure" because she used an over-hyped | | | | ~might work; |
| relationship product (I don't know the product). | | | | ~might even work really well; |
| Despite my client's best efforts, her marriage still | | | | ~might not make much of a difference; |
| ended-her husband had already made up his mind | | | | ~might be a total waste of time. |
| and checked out of the marriage. | | | | But the truth is, you probably wouldn't purchase |
| So this already vulnerable, hurting woman thought | | | | anything if someone's website and sales pitch |
| there must be something wrong with her -- after | | | | read something like: |
| all, the claims touted by the seller of this product | | | | "Try my new marriage overhaul system. I think |
| included a high success rate and several blatant | | | | it's great (and my aunt loved it)-I hope you do |
| promises (even in dire circumstances) and | | | | too. It may really help your marriage...but then |
| therefore seemed perfect for her situation. | | | | again, if I'm being totally honest, I can't be sure of |
| Can a troubled marriage or relationship be saved? | | | | that, since every relationship is unique. But what |
| Absolutely-I've seen this firsthand as a | | | | the heck, give it a try anyway-I'll keep my fingers |
| psychologist and relationship coach. Should a | | | | crossed!" |
| couple give it their all and, when needed, seek | | | | What does this mean for you and your |
| professional help before giving up on their union? I | | | | relationship? |
| certainly would, and I encourage others to do so. | | | | Approach marriage advice and relationship help |
| However, some marriages and relationships won't | | | | services/products with an open mind: balance |
| make it (divorce statistics and the rate of failed | | | | healthy skepticism with hopefulness and realism. |
| relationships support this claim) and you should be | | | | Take a little time to find out about the credentials |
| cautious of any online messages that make | | | | and experience of the person selling a service or |
| outlandish promises, especially messages claiming | | | | product-and if anyone is making overly-hyped |
| to be able to save your marriage/relationship for | | | | claims or promising iron-clad results, my advice: |
| sure, even when the relationship has been | | | | turn and run. |